Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
