you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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