We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
