I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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