I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
