Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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