i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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