this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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