Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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