): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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