ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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