You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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