just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
