my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
