Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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