I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
