I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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