I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
