RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
