So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize