Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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