pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
