We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
