your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
