i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
