whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize