You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
