I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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