he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
