My first STD was from a foam party
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Are my feet made of real feet?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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