So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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