It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
