is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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