those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
