Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
