Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
