Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
