she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
