I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
