I'm going to jail i love you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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