i barfeds in our rink
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
