She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
