nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
