I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
