I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would ride that face into the sunset
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
