Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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