you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
so much tequila, so little girl.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
