But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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