if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
