Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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