no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
