i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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