I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Someone signed my nipple.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
