I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
