was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
