I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize