as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
