I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
