Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
