I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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