I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
