so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
MIDGETS
????
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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