Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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