I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
