Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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