I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
