hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
