Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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