How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
