he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
