that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
