Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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