I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
