I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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