unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
