We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
