Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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