shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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