I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
