dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
