Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
