I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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