I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
