Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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