Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
