Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He passed out mid-signature
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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