New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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