Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
