Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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