I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
