I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
where are my eyebrows?
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