Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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