The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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