Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
