sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
