anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
