Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
