...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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