Sponge bath it is.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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