Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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