she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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