i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
