first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
