ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
