the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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