I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
