i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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