We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
