when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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