I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
