yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
