Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
