he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
