Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
