I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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