party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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