I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
