dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Never joke about your clitoris.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize