The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
